The Trouble with Peanut Butter
by Luiniliel
Summary: Peanut butter, and its many uses.NOT a romance fic -considered complete, and can be read as such-


This is my first Hellsing fanfic and I, of course, do not own Hellsing.

**The Trouble with Peanut Butter**

Young Sir Integral sat in the kitchen. It was far too late to be up, but as usual her dreams kept her from sleeping soundly without someone watching over her. Mainly it was either Walter or Alucard, sometimes a nurse, but as of lately there has been more activity in the vampire community.

The active attacks on distant small towns in the country kept both the Hellsing retainer and the creepy master vampire busy. Actually, busy would be an understatement. The attacks were choreographed so as soon as Alucard was finished in one area, he had to move to another, further, more distant town. The Hellsing soldiers were also running low on sleep, which lead to the loss of lives of several men. Walter, though retired from any active duty, had taken over most of what should have been Sir Integral's duties. The mounds of paperwork that in actuality should have been completed daily, by both the master Hellsing and the retainer, were slowly adding up. Sir Integral would have liked to help, but her homework as of late was heavier than normal in preparation for exams, not to mention the fact that internal Hellsing correspondence was written in a fairly complex code that changed daily.

So Sir Integral, alone and a bit lonely, sat in the kitchen. She was not really hungry, but she sat there with a spoon and a small house made with crackers and peanut butter mortar.

She rested her head on the table, the cool surface calming her racing heart, though why it was racing, she had no idea. It was an ominous, foreboding heartbeat. Lately, all her dreams had her waking up drenched in sweat.

Her spoon rested in her mouth and she watched with slight amusement as a small trail of peanut butter drool escaped her mouth, down the handle of the spoon, and into a little pool forming on the table's surface. Her cracker and peanut butter house shall have a peanut butter flavored pool.

Her eyes closed slightly as she started to drift off to sleep. Immediately she was hit with the same dreams. Her father, uncle, and pools of blood chased her around. Alucard's manic laughter provided the perfect background noise. When Integral finally caught up with the vampire, he towered above her, ten feet high to her small five foot stature. Integral was not afraid of him. As always, Alucard shrunk down to normal height and bowed before her. Alucard would then disappear and the same chase began as before. Her father would often repeatedly reach his hand out to her before collapsing into dust. Her uncle would always point a gun at her, before sticking it into his own mouth and pulling the trigger. Blood always splattered on her face. Alucard would always laugh. By the end of the dream she would calm enough to turn around and face them all. Always there was nothing there, but a shapeless shadow. Alucard would step out from behind her and begin to battle it. The shadow would proceed to eat Alucard. Alucard was no more and Integral was left to battle on her own. The shadow would then always begin crawling up her legs and wrapping itself around her body, constricting its movement, squeezing her breath out, and stopping her heart. When her heart finally stopped the shadow would release her and the impact of hitting the ground would cause Integral in real life to sit up and scream.

Integral woke up in the kitchen, lifted her head up from the table and was going to scream before Alucard stepped from the shadows and placed a hand on her head. The touch calmed her; she could feel the coldness of his dead body through the material of the glove. It was a welcome relief to the raging fire threatening to consume her. Often when she woke up from the nightmare she would scream and then proceed to run screaming throughout the complex. The first time it happened several soldiers were the ones to stop her. The three of them ended up carrying her struggling body to the medical wing where doctors were surprised to find that she was technically still asleep. A waking-nightmare they called it, and accounted it to the amount of stress from losing her father, and her uncle, and coming across the creature Alucard.

The next morning when she finally snapped out of it (and the drugs the doctors gave her to relax her body) she could remember nothing of the incident. Both Walter and Alucard wondered the real meaning behind it, Walter accounting it more to Alucard fooling around in his young master's head. The following day, after another attempted run around, Walter finally talked Sir Integral into ordering Alucard to stop doing whatever mental madness he was causing to her mind. Alucard, of course, claimed that it was not him but the proof of the following week seemed to prove otherwise as Integral slept calmly without any nightmares.

The excitement was short lived as whatever was attacking Sir Integral's mind, maybe it was her own, starting causing the dreams even during the waking hours the second week, and the fits she threw after 'waking up' screaming were more intense and stronger than before. Alucard of course followed the retainer for a day, causing mischief until he received an apology from the Angel.

Walter apologized to Alucard, and then cut him into perfect one inch cube squares for all the damage he caused during the day.

Anyway, back to the scene in the kitchen. Alucard stood behind Sir Integral's chair, his head resting on top of her head. Integral was sitting in her chair, back straight, eyes somewhat wild, though returning to their normal calm state, and her breathing slowly returning to its normal pace. Alucard rubbed the top of her head with his hand, causing tangles to form and Integral to turn around and give him a dirty stare.

Alucard laughed. "Master, it is now just past one a.m., far past your bedtime I believe." Alucard simply adored the fact that his master was young enough to be issued a bed time by Walter. Both were mercilessly teased because of it.

Integral, half asleep and now grouchy, agreed, but not before negotiating with the monster. If he turned into a dog- she would go to bed without an argument.

Integral smiled in her sleep; certainly no dreams would haunt her tonight as her mood was far too happy. Alucard stood watch on the end of her bed, curled up, in dog form. All eight of his eyes were open and glaring at the happy smile of his master. His tongue kept repeatedly going back and forth across the roof of his mouth, the sticky substance coating his muzzle, and getting his tongue stuck.

His punishment for messing with Sir Integral's hair: Peanut Butter, in dog form.

**End Note:**

I don't know, I think this may become a longer story. When I originally thought of the idea it was just to have Alucard eat peanut butter as a dog, then to have Sir Integral share the story with Seras and Pip, who use the story as an inspiration for revenge.

While writing this first chapter the story just seemed to grow and blossom and became something new.

Please Review.


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